I'm going to be really honest with you here, because I think a lot of guys need to hear this: downloading a dating app is the easy part. The hard part — the part that actually determines whether you'll have a good experience or a frustrating one — happens before you ever create a profile. And most men skip it entirely.
I'm not here to bash anyone. Dating apps can be genuinely exhausting, and I understand the frustration that a lot of men feel when they put themselves out there and get silence in return. But I've talked to enough women and looked at enough profiles to know that there are some very fixable things that hold guys back. So let's get into it.
Get Honest About What You Actually Want
This sounds basic, but it's the foundation that everything else is built on. Before you start swiping, sit down and ask yourself what you're actually looking for. Not what you think you should want, not what sounds cool to say — what do you genuinely want right now? A serious relationship? Something casual? Just meeting new people and seeing what happens?
All of those answers are valid. But if you don't know what you want, your profile is going to reflect that confusion, and the people you match with are going to feel it. Ambiguity might seem like it keeps your options open, but in practice, it just creates mismatched expectations and wasted time for everyone.
Your Photos Are Telling a Story — Make It a Good One
I cannot stress this enough: your photos matter more than your bio. And I don't mean you need to look like a model. I mean you need photos that actually show who you are. A blurry selfie in a dark bathroom tells a story, and it's not a flattering one. A clear, well-lit photo where you're genuinely smiling at a friend's barbecue? That tells a completely different story.
Here are some quick guidelines that genuinely help:
- Include at least one clear photo of your face — no sunglasses, no group shots where people have to guess which one is you
- Show yourself doing something you enjoy — cooking, hiking, playing music, whatever is authentically you
- Skip the shirtless mirror selfies — unless you're at a beach or pool and it's natural, it reads as trying too hard
- Ask a friend to take a few candid shots — they don't need to be professional, just genuine
Work on Your Emotional Availability
This is the part that most dating advice skips, and it's arguably the most important. If you're still carrying unresolved feelings from a past relationship, if you're dealing with loneliness and hoping a match will fix it, or if you're struggling with self-worth and looking for external validation — a dating app is going to amplify those feelings, not solve them.
I'm not saying you need to be perfectly healed before you date. Nobody is. But there's a difference between someone who is actively working on themselves and open to connection, versus someone who is looking for another person to fill a void. People can feel that difference, even through a screen.
Take some time to check in with yourself. Are you in a place where you can genuinely show up for someone else? Can you handle rejection without it wrecking your self-esteem? Can you be curious about another person without projecting your needs onto them? If the answer is "not yet," that's okay. Do the work first. The apps will still be there.
Learn How to Have a Conversation
I hear this from women all the time: the number one complaint isn't about looks or height or any of the things guys obsess over. It's about conversation. Messages that go nowhere. One-word replies. Conversations that feel like interviews. Or worse, conversations that turn sexual before any actual connection has been built.
Good conversation on a dating app is about showing genuine curiosity. Ask about something specific in their profile. Share something about yourself that's real and a little vulnerable. Be playful without being performative. And most importantly, read the room — if someone is giving short answers, they might not be interested, and that's okay. Move on graciously.
The Bottom Line
Dating apps are tools. They're not magic, and they're not the enemy. But like any tool, they work best when you've done the preparation. Get clear on what you want, present yourself authentically, do your emotional homework, and learn to connect like a human being. That's it. It's not complicated, but it does require honesty — mostly with yourself.
I go way deeper on all of this in the full video. Give it a watch, and if something resonates, I'd love to hear about it in the comments.
