If you and your partner have ever talked about bringing a third person into the bedroom, you've probably already discovered that the hardest part isn't the conversation itself — it's the logistics. Where do you actually find someone? How do you approach them without being creepy? And what the heck is a "unicorn" anyway?
I've spent time testing out various threesome and dating apps to see what actually works for couples, and I want to share my honest experience with you. No sugarcoating, no sponsored content — just real talk about what I found.
What Is a "Unicorn" and Why Is It So Hard to Find One?
In the world of non-monogamy and group sex, a "unicorn" refers to a single person — most often a bisexual woman — who is willing to join a couple for a sexual or romantic experience. They're called unicorns because, well, they're rare. The demand from couples far outweighs the supply of individuals who are interested, available, and comfortable with that dynamic.
And honestly, that's partly because a lot of couples go about the search in a way that centers entirely on their own desires without considering the experience of the third person. If you want to find someone willing to share an intimate experience with you and your partner, you need to think about what you're offering them, not just what you're hoping to get.
The Apps I Tried and What I Learned
I tested several apps that cater specifically to couples looking for a third, as well as mainstream dating apps where couples sometimes create joint profiles. Here's the reality: most threesome-specific apps have a much smaller user base than you'd expect. The interfaces can feel clunky, and the ratio of couples to single users is wildly lopsided.
Mainstream apps like Feeld tend to be a better experience overall because they attract a more diverse and sex-positive crowd. The key difference I noticed was the quality of conversation. On apps designed exclusively for threesomes, interactions often felt transactional and rushed. On broader platforms that welcome ethical non-monogamy, people seemed more willing to take their time and build a genuine connection first.
How to Actually Approach This Respectfully
One of the biggest mistakes couples make is treating the third person as an accessory to their relationship rather than as a full human being with their own desires, boundaries, and feelings. I cannot stress this enough: the third person is not a toy. They are not there solely to fulfill your fantasy. They are a participant with equal say in what happens.
Here are a few things that make a real difference when you're searching:
- Create a profile that shows both of you — no catfishing with just one partner's photos
- Be upfront about what you're looking for — vagueness breeds distrust
- Let the third person set the pace — they should never feel pressured or rushed
- Communicate boundaries early — what's on the table, what's off limits, for all three people
- Meet in a public, neutral space first — coffee, drinks, something low-pressure
The Conversation You Need to Have First
Before you even download an app, you and your partner need to have a thorough, honest conversation about why you want this and what your boundaries are. What happens if one of you gets jealous? What if someone catches feelings? What are the hard limits? What does aftercare look like?
These aren't fun questions, but they're essential. The couples who skip this step are the ones who end up with hurt feelings, broken trust, and a really awkward story. The couples who do the emotional work beforehand are the ones who actually have a good time — and often want to do it again.
My Honest Takeaway
Finding a unicorn through an app is possible, but it takes patience, respect, and a willingness to put in the same effort you'd put into any other meaningful connection. It's not a one-swipe situation. You're asking someone to be vulnerable with two people at once, and that requires an enormous amount of trust.
If you approach it with empathy, clear communication, and zero entitlement, your chances go up dramatically. And if it doesn't happen right away, that's okay. The process itself — the conversations it sparks between you and your partner — can actually strengthen your relationship in ways you didn't expect.
I go into way more detail about specific apps and my personal experiences in the video below. Give it a watch if you want the full, unfiltered version.
