I talk to women about sex all the time. It's literally my job. And after hundreds of conversations, DMs, comments, and emails, there are some themes that come up so consistently that I couldn't not make this list. These are the things women say they want more of in bed — and honestly, most of them are simpler than you might expect.

1. More Foreplay (And We Mean a Lot More)

This one comes up so frequently it almost feels redundant to say, but apparently it needs repeating: women want more foreplay. And not just five minutes of going through the motions before moving to the "main event." Women want foreplay that feels intentional, unhurried, and like it matters in its own right — not just as a warm-up act.

For many women, arousal takes longer to build than it does for men. That's not a flaw — that's just physiology. And when foreplay is rushed or skipped, it means the experience starts at a deficit. The women who report the most satisfying sex lives consistently mention partners who understand that the buildup is the experience, not just a prerequisite for it.

2. Vocal Feedback

Here's one that surprises a lot of men: women want to hear you. Sounds, words, moans, whispers — whatever feels natural. Complete silence during sex can make a woman feel like she's performing for an empty room. It creates uncertainty. Is he enjoying this? Should I be doing something different? Is he even present?

You don't need to narrate the entire experience — but letting her hear that you're present, engaged, and feeling good makes an enormous difference.

Verbal feedback also helps both partners understand what's working. A simple "that feels amazing" or a genuine moan does more for intimacy and connection than most people realize.

3. Feeling Genuinely Desired

There's a difference between someone wanting to have sex and someone wanting to have sex with you specifically. Women can feel that difference, and it matters enormously. Feeling desired means feeling like your partner is genuinely attracted to you — not just going through the motions because it's been a while or because it's expected.

This shows up in little things: the way someone looks at you, initiates touch, tells you you're beautiful, or makes you feel like they're fully present and not somewhere else mentally. Desire is one of the most powerful aphrodisiacs there is, and when a woman feels it from her partner, everything else gets better.

4. Clitoral Attention That Doesn't Disappear

The majority of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm. This is well-established science at this point, yet it continues to be treated as optional in a lot of sexual encounters. Women want partners who understand that the clitoris isn't just a starting point that you abandon once penetration begins — it's a central player throughout the entire experience.

This can look like manual stimulation during penetration, using a toy together, or positions that naturally provide more clitoral contact. The specifics will vary from person to person, but the underlying message is universal: don't forget about the clitoris.

5. Emotional Connection During Sex

Sex that feels emotionally connected is consistently rated as more satisfying by women. This doesn't mean every encounter has to be intensely romantic or deeply emotional. It means being present. Making eye contact. Checking in. Treating the experience as something you're sharing together rather than something you're each doing separately in the same room.

Even in more casual situations, a basic level of emotional engagement — attentiveness, respect, genuine interest in the other person's experience — makes a profound difference in how the encounter feels.

6. Aftercare and Post-Sex Connection

What happens after sex matters more than most people think. Rolling over and falling asleep or immediately reaching for your phone sends a message, even if you don't intend it. Women crave a few minutes of connection after sex — cuddling, talking, gentle touch, or simply being held. This is what's sometimes called "aftercare," and it helps both partners transition out of the vulnerability of intimacy in a way that feels safe and bonding.

7. Open Communication Without Judgment

Above all, women want to feel safe enough to say what they want without worrying about bruising their partner's ego. The best sex happens when both people feel free to give direction, express preferences, and ask for what they need without fear of rejection or defensiveness. Creating that kind of openness takes effort from both partners, but it's the foundation of a truly great sexual connection.

Watch the full video where I go deeper into each of these and share practical tips for incorporating them into your sex life.