Let's get something out of the way immediately: prostate massage has nothing to do with sexual orientation. The prostate is a body part that exists in everyone with male anatomy, and stimulating it can feel incredible regardless of who you are or who you're attracted to. The stigma around it is rooted in outdated ideas about masculinity, and it prevents a lot of men from experiencing a form of pleasure their bodies are literally designed for.
My boyfriend and I had been talking about trying it for a while. He was curious but nervous. I was eager but wanted to make sure I did it right. So we researched, we communicated, and we picked a relaxed evening to give it a go. Here's what happened.
The Conversation That Started It
Before anything physical happened, we had several conversations about it. I think this is the most important part, honestly. He needed to know that I wasn't going to judge him for being curious. I needed to know what his boundaries were and what he was comfortable with. We talked about what we'd read, what we expected, and what we'd do if either of us wanted to stop.
Having those conversations beforehand made the actual experience so much more relaxed. By the time we were in the moment, there was no awkwardness about what was happening or why. We'd already processed the emotional side of it together, which left us free to focus on the physical experience.
Getting Started
Preparation matters enormously for prostate massage. We made sure we had plenty of lube, that his nails were trimmed (for when he later wanted to try it himself), and that the environment was comfortable and relaxed. I started with a regular massage to help him relax — back, shoulders, legs — before gradually moving to more intimate areas.
The key was going slowly. I started with gentle external massage around the perineum, which is the area between the scrotum and the anus. This area is rich in nerve endings and responds beautifully to pressure and touch. He was immediately responsive to this, which gave both of us confidence to continue.
What It Was Actually Like
When we progressed to internal stimulation, I used plenty of lube and one finger, moving incredibly slowly. The prostate is located a few inches inside the rectum, toward the belly button. When I found it, I could feel it — it has a distinct, slightly firmer texture compared to the surrounding tissue.
His reaction was immediate and honestly pretty amazing to witness. He described the sensation as completely different from anything he'd felt before — deeper, more full-body, and more intense than penile stimulation alone. He said it felt like the pleasure was radiating outward from his center rather than being localized in one spot.
We experimented with different amounts of pressure and different movements — gentle pressing, small circular motions, a "come here" beckoning gesture. Each one produced a slightly different response, and we communicated throughout about what felt best.
The Emotional Side
What I didn't fully anticipate was how emotionally vulnerable this experience would be for him. Receiving that kind of intimate touch requires a level of trust and openness that's different from most sexual activities. He told me afterward that it felt like one of the most intimate things we'd ever done together — not because of the physical sensation, but because of the trust involved.
That vulnerability also brought us closer together. There was a tenderness to the whole experience that surprised both of us. It wasn't just about physical pleasure; it was about showing up for each other in a way that required real openness and trust.
Tips If You Want to Try It
- Talk about it first — both partners need to be genuinely enthusiastic, not just going along with it
- Use way more lube than you think you need — reapply frequently
- Start externally — perineum massage is a great warm-up and can be pleasurable on its own
- Go painfully slow — there is no rushing this, and patience will be rewarded
- Communicate constantly — check in about pressure, speed, and comfort
- Don't expect a specific outcome — some men experience intense orgasms, others find it simply pleasurable, and both responses are perfectly normal
Watch the full video below for more details, our real reactions, and some additional advice for couples who are curious about exploring this together.
