I get messages about this all the time. People writing in to say things like, "I tried something new in bed and now I'm worried about what it means," or "I'm curious about something but I'm scared that exploring it makes me a certain kind of person." And every single time, my heart breaks a little — because the shame people carry around their curiosity is almost always something they absorbed from the outside, not something that came from within.

So let me just say it plainly: experimenting sexually does not make you weird. It does not make you confused. It does not make you broken, immoral, or any less worthy of love and respect. It makes you human.

Curiosity Is Not a Character Flaw

Think about how we treat curiosity in every other area of life. We celebrate people who try new foods, visit new countries, learn new skills, change careers. We call them adventurous, open-minded, brave. But the moment that same curiosity extends to sexuality, suddenly it becomes suspicious. Suddenly people want to label it, diagnose it, or dismiss it.

Why? Because we've been taught that sexuality is supposed to be simple and straightforward. You're supposed to figure it out early, stick to one lane, and never deviate. But that's not how humans actually work. We're complex. Our desires shift. We grow and evolve. And sometimes the only way to understand what you like or who you are is to try things and see how they feel.

The Labels Can Wait

One of the biggest fears people have about sexual experimentation is that it will force them into a label they're not ready for. If I try this, does that make me gay? If I like that, am I a freak? The anxiety around labeling can be so intense that it stops people from exploring altogether.

You don't have to know exactly who you are before you give yourself permission to explore. Exploration is how you find out.

Here's what I want you to know: you don't have to label anything. You can try something and decide it's not for you. You can try something and love it. You can be somewhere in between. None of those outcomes require you to adopt a new identity unless you want to. Your sexuality is yours to explore at your own pace, in your own way, without owing anyone an explanation.

What "Experimentation" Actually Looks Like

When I say sexual experimentation, I'm not just talking about the big, dramatic stuff. Experimentation includes a huge range of experiences:

All of these are forms of experimentation, and all of them are valid. The common thread is that you're stepping outside your comfort zone to learn something about yourself. That takes courage, not confusion.

The People Who Judge Are Usually the Most Afraid

I've noticed something over the years: the people who are loudest about judging other people's sexual choices are often the ones who are most uncomfortable with their own desires. Judgment is frequently a projection of personal fear. When someone calls you weird for experimenting, what they're really saying is, "I'm scared of what I might discover about myself if I were brave enough to try."

That doesn't make their judgment okay, but it does help put it in perspective. Their discomfort is about them, not about you. You don't need permission from anyone to explore your own body, your own pleasure, and your own identity. Those belong to you.

How to Experiment Safely and Confidently

If you're thinking about trying something new, here are some things that can help you do it in a way that feels safe and empowering rather than scary:

Start by being honest with yourself about what you're curious about. You don't have to share it with anyone else yet. Just acknowledge it privately. Then, if it involves another person, make sure you're with someone who respects your boundaries and won't shame you. Communication is everything. Talk about what you want to try, what feels good, and what doesn't. Check in with each other before, during, and after.

And give yourself grace. Not every experiment is going to be amazing. Some things you try won't feel the way you imagined, and that's perfectly fine. The point isn't to perform perfectly — the point is to learn.

I go much deeper into this in the video below, including some personal stories about my own journey with experimentation. Watch it if you want the full, honest conversation.